Pushing Through

Today I’m feeling awfully bummy.

And not just because I’ve somehow cracked the code and managed to wear my pajamas all day, but also because I’m in a mood.  Back when I started telling you about our desire to grow our family, I mentioned that although most of the time I go through my days with plenty of pep in my step and without obsessing or focussing on the fact that I’m not “there” yet.  But today… a lot of things are weighing on me.

It started out as a great day, just like most.  When I got up this morning, the sun was shining awfully bright (putting a break in the string of yucky, rainy days we’ve had lately), and I had plans to finally start fiddling with my new Silhouette Craft Machine, which I can’t wait to tell you about.

But as the day went by, I just started to feel more and more weighed down.

It’s not as simple as one might think.  I don’t always know exactly what’s bothering me or what it is that’s making me feel that way, and it doesn’t always start to pile up.  But today it did.  And after spending some time reflecting and doing some evaluating, I think I’ve pinpointed several of the things that are fighting for attention.

First, and most glaringly, our lack of children.  I’m still not allowing myself to obsess over it, but it’s still there.

Then there’s the lack of friendships in our new home area.

And also the fact that we haven’t yet found a church in the area.

Also, not feeling like I have a grasp on everything that we want done in this house, or like I’ll ever realistically pull the trigger on any of the hundreds of projects I daydream about on a regular basis.

This is starting to sound like a lot of whining.  I’m sorry about that.  It wasn’t my intention.  I did, however, promise to be real here.  And that’s really all this is.  The truth is that there’s quite a lot that seems to be getting to me today, and although any of these things on their own wouldn’t be enough to shake me… having all of it seem to creep up to the foreground at once is more than enough.

So today, I am shaken.  I am sad.  I am weighed down by the things in my life that I am less than thrilled about.  And it won’t go on… I can promise you that.  I will let myself have this day and then I will pick myself up by my bootstraps, brush off the glum, and carry on.

(source)

I will be happy.  I will be satisfied with my daily life.  I will be content in the season in which God has me, and I will be grateful for all of the blessing… the ridiculous amount of blessings in my life.  Because that’s what really matters.

(source)

I guess I just feel that sometimes you need to allow yourself to acknowledge the things that you don’t like so that you can get past them and move on.

(source)

How are you all doing, today?  And be honest.  I’m not one of those people who asks and hopes to just get a simple “fine”… I’d rather know how you’re really doing and smile and laugh with you when you’re doing well, cry with you when you’re not, and pray with you through it all.

~Hope

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Posted on January 26, 2015, in deep thoughts, Life, thankful and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Sorry today isn’t going so well, but I do believe we all have those days. I hope you wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed and hopeful.

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  2. I have days like that! I think we all do. I struggle with fitting in at church, so that’s been weighing on my mind a LOT.

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    • I’m glad to know it’s not just me. I struggle with not yet having any kind of community and not really feeling like I “fit on” at work, either. It’s crazy how feelings like this can still occur LONG past middle and high school, so I give myself a really hard time, sometimes, but in reality – it’s because it’s just part of life. There are growing pains. There are disappointments and there is a longing to connect. And maybe that’s even a big part of why I started blogging to begin with – to have that connection in spite of not having that community in our new home.

      Like

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