A Blank Page
So much changed for us this past year. And yet so much stayed the same. But I hope to change a lot of that.
When we found out we were moving, it was like the arrival of our “tomorrow basket”. We’d had all of these hopes and dreams and constantly seemed to put them into our “tomorrow basket” because they never seemed to be things that would happen anytime soon.
But moving meant that we could make strides towards these things. And much of that is still true, but… life got in the way. As it somehow always seems to.
– finding a new church
– filing for adoption and finally starting a family
– setting down roots in a new home and city
– finally picking up hobbies I’ve wanted to get into for yeeaars
Some of that may seem silly, but it was all in that tomorrow basket, and a tomorrow basket never seems to have a date on it. When things like this just linger around for year after year, the likelihood of them ever happening just seems to fade. A tomorrow basket often feels more like an “if we’re lucky” basket or a “yeah right” basket. And anytime you see or think of something in that basket, it kind’ve all floods you and you just feel that hopelessness flood right in with it.
But here we were – ready to dive right into that basket… on the brink of tomorrow. And then… life.
First we needed to unpack and just get settled. Then the dog got injured and we spiraled into debt unlike any we’d been in since we were first married. And our jobs weren’t what we’d hoped they’d be. Then my sister-in-law moved in with us and that seriously turned our world upside down (and not in the best of ways). Then we discovered that family was coming to stay with us for two weeks at Christmas and the term “crunch-time” seemed like the understatement of the year. Then they arrived and we were working part time during their visit, and then coming home to entertaining and no personal time. And now they’re finally gone (except for my sister-in-law, of course) and we’re just completely exhausted.
So I sit here, and I think about our tomorrow basket. What can we do to make it finally happen? How can I get our eyes back on those things and somehow, someday make them less of a dream and more of a reality?
Something I’ve never really gotten into is the reason for this blog and the meaning behind it’s name. It may not seem that crazy of a thing to admit, but my name actually isn’t Hope. But that’s something I’m trying to grow more of every day. So while trying to harvest more of it as we look to our “tomorrow basket”… I, Hope, am trying (read: (v) attempting). Trying to do many things, but mostly just trying to be hopeful. Also, Hope itself is constantly trying (read: (adj.) , difficult, stretching, testing). There’s so much we are working towards, not unlike anyone reading this I’m sure… but life’s full of difficulty. No matter what you strive for, there’s work involved… and there’s power in the journey. And one journey that’s brought me to finally starting this blog is our journey toward starting a family. We are trying. There’s many ways to grow a family, and we plan to head in the direction of adoption. But in this brand new state, there’s much to learn. So much is different from the state we moved from and that puts us at the beginning.
Anywho, that’s where we are right now. Trying – attempting, striving, stretching… all of the above. Just pushing toward better versions of ourselves… in the hopes that doing so will someday turn our tomorrow basket our today basket… and then our yesterday basket.
So this week… this year… we are trying.