I dream about you.
I dream about the day that we’ll finally meet you. I dream about your birth mother and the struggle that she’ll face when she first discovers that she’s pregnant. How she’ll consider several options and possibly change her mind quite a few times before she follows through on placing you with an adoptive family.
I’m sure that she’ll wonder if she’s doing the right thing… wonder if she will regret it… wonder if she’ll be able to follow through.
I imagine her emotional struggle as she gives birth. How the entire time she’s laboring and then pushing… she’ll be thinking about you and the decision she’s making. She may even, in that moment, think she should keep you with her and not place you with us. I can’t truly fathom those thoughts.
Having wanted you for so long, I can’t imagine being not he other side of the process. But I try. I just want to be sure that I don’t forget her through our journey to you. To becoming the family God has destined us to be. Because without her, we won’t have you. And for that, I am forever in her debt.
She will make the choice to put you above herself. She will acknowledge that, for whatever reason, she can’t give you the life that you deserve… and in her love, and in God’s grace, she will choose us to do just that.
I think about you and how it’s possible that even as I write this, you may not have even been conceived yet. Ad my mind wanders through various scenarios that could even bring that to fruition.
Sweet child, your conception may not be planned and the first moments of your tiny life, in the very moment when you become your very own string of DNA, just then you will become my daughter. I won’t know you yet, and I won’t know of your existence for quite a while longer, but it will be in that moment that the life that is planned for you will begin.
In the first realization of your existence, your birth mother may feel less than excited, but just wait… just hold on to the hope that you will be loved. You will be cherished. You will be covered in kisses and snuggled day after day. You may not feel it in those moments… in the moments when your birth mother feels doubt, or anger, or hurt, or hopelessness… but you are, sweet one!
As every finger and every eyelash and every flake of skin develops, you are wrapped in love. You are created in love by a God who has so much in store for you. And you are prayed for… longed for by parents who can’t wait to meet you.
To hold you.
To kiss your sweet face.
To smell your newborn smell.
And to watch the wonder in your eyes as you grow and experience this world and all that it offers.
Sweet love, you are cherished. You are perfect. You are an answer to prayer.
And all before you even came to be.
Always remember this, as it is sewn into the very fiber of your being: You ARE wanted.
♬ I’ve missed you, but I haven’t met you.
Oh but I want to… How I do. ♪♩
I love you so.