Crazy Train

I’ve been all over the place, lately.  I haven’t been able to pinpoint when it first began, though I feel like if I’m honest – it was back before we moved.  At least back then it mostly made sense, though.  I had so much going on at once and so much to keep track of that my mind was constantly multi-tasking with no break.  Nowadays, all of that has been dealt with and finalized.  There’s no more long lists of things to make sure we get done properly so as to not end up without a place to live, without a paycheck, without our clothes and without our pup.

So what’s the problem?

If I really try to figure it out, I just end up wandering.  I do tend to stick on something from time to time, but not anything consistent.  And it could be any number of things, really.  Anything from what’s been on the news… to work details… to the secrets of life… to why you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.  Really though – super random stuff.

And then there are times when it’s more substantial.  Tonight, for some unknown reason, I find myself thinking about the pains and realities of growing up.  It could’ve started with any number of things, but that’s where my brain lands regardless.

When I finally decided to start writing about it, I was kind’ve plateauing on how insane it is how as a society, we are graduating high school and suddenly expected to decide on a career choice for the rest of your life.

I’m 28 years old and I feel like I’ve only really come to discover and appreciate who I am as a person… as a woman… within the past year or two.  It’s been a long process, but how is it that we expect things like that form people when they are so young?  I was even considered by some to be a more mature 18-year-old when I was at that point, but even then I was terrified that any decision would end up being the wrong one.  Of course… I’d never admit that to ANYbody, but if I was honest with myself – that’s exactly how I felt.

I’m no advocate for extended adolescence.  Believe me – I’m all about people getting off their butts and either working or going to school, if they can.  Getting out away from their families to discover who they are as an individual and as part of a greater “societal organism”… but it is kind’ve crazy that we’re expecting self-conscious child/adult hybrids to make such impactful decisions.

I know this is random.  I’m sorry… I’m hoping that maybe getting some of this down and our of my head will open up some free space for more normal lines of thinking.  I am curious, though, to see if anyone else has had similar thoughts or experiences with feeling they would’ve preferred to make a different decision or taken a different path at a younger age.

To wrap up, I’m very happy with the career I’m in.  I don’t plan to hang anything until we have children, and then I hope to be able to be a stay at home mom… but I would’ve loved to know earlier on that I could do other things.  Things that my parents would’ve turned their noses up to as career choices or things that I didn’t yet realized I enjoyed so much or was even just half-decent at.  But I still get to do them now as more hobbies, so… that’s not too bad, right?  🙂

So tell me your thoughts not he subject.  Am I just totally crazy to think this?  What about my general spacey-ness these past few months… anyone else experienced similar things, or am I in my own boat with this one?  Hah.

~Hope

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Posted on September 11, 2014, in deep thoughts, Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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